'My half-siblings are trying to slither their way in to get a handout': How do I make sure my parents only leave their home to me?

By Quentin Fottrell

'My sister from my mom's previous marriage lives in an RV in our driveway'

Dear Quentin,

I live with my elderly parents, and I am the only child they share together. My father has dementia, and so I stuck around to help out. I have two older brothers and two older sisters from my parents' previous marriages. I'm the only child of both my parents, and I'm considerably younger than all my brothers and sisters.

My parents, my girlfriend of 10 years and I live in my parents' home, which will be paid off in a couple of years. My sister from my mom's previous marriage lives in an RV in our driveway. My mother has always paid my sister's rent and now, at 50 years old, my sister can't take care of herself.

She and I get along fine, and she does help out with chores. I know my mother worries about her well-being after my mom passes away, because my sister is bipolar. I have assured my mother that I will always take care of her daughter, my half-sibling, but she needs to give me the means to do so. They don't really have money (they live off my dad's pension).

'My father's ex-wife hates my mother'

My siblings from my dad's marriage look at my mom as the reason they grew up without a dad, because he left their mother to live with mine. My father's previous wife also hates my mother. But now that my parents are getting older, my other sister is trying to buddy up to my mom to get whatever she can from them.

Over the last 10 years, this sister has been to my parents' house half a dozen times. My dad's kids don't deserve anything, as they left and never came back to help him. My brothers have never been around in 10 years - not even a phone call. But now that my parents are dying, my half-siblings are trying to slither their way in to get a handout.

How do we get the house in my name with my paying the least amount of taxes? I was thinking about putting the house in a trust with my parents' and my name on it. Is that a decent idea? Any advice is greatly appreciated. How do I handle this situation? What is the best way to get my parents' house in my name?

The Deserving Son

Related: My brother lives in our parents' home, which we'll inherit 50/50. I want to keep it in the family for my children. How do I protect my interests?

Dear Deserving,

Wants, needs and obligations apply to all five of the children in your family. You may be the only one who wants your parents' home, and you may feel like you are the only one who deserves it, but that may or may not be true in your parents' eyes. There is no right or wrong, no good or bad decision. It's their property, their children and their choice.

They may also be restricted in their choices. If they purchased this property as tenants in common, then they each own 50%, and either of them can leave their half to a third party after they die. There are no rights of survivorship by the other party on that type of deed. It's more likely, however, that they own the home as joint tenants with rights of survivorship.

It's their property, their children and their choice.

Your two brothers may be out of sight and out of the action, and your parents could decide that they don't need a share of the family home. If they don't stay in touch, that could make your parents' decision easier. They may also receive a share of an inheritance from their other parent, which your parents could take into account when splitting their estate.

Putting the house in a trust or making a will leaving the property to you or to you and your siblings is the best way forward. Putting a child's name on the deed of a home while the parents are still alive is a bad idea, because it prevents the child from selling the property at a "step-up in basis," according to which capital-gains tax is applied on the value of the house at the time of the owner's death.

Classic problem for blended families

Your two sisters may be a different prospect: Your mother's daughter lives in an RV, and your father's daughter has recently made efforts to reconnect with your parents - or as you say, to "buddy up" to your mother. Every child in your family has their own unique relationship with their parents, and they may believe they deserve a share of their own parent's estate for reasons that are known only to them.

This is a classic problem for blended families, particularly when some children live far away and others are dependent on their parents financially or for housing. One sister is living in an RV on your parents' driveway, and you are living in their house with your girlfriend. You are a net contributor in terms of care, while your sister in the RV is in need of support.

Here's the hard part: It's not your job to make up your parents' minds for them. By all means, you can put your case to them for why you believe that you - and you alone - deserve to inherit their home. But they may have other ideas, and that's their right. You have gained something already by living in their home, presumably at below-market rent or rent-free.

Reasons for sharing the family home

Your sister may need accommodation, too. She has her own health issues, she does not appear to be working, and living in an RV in your parents' driveway does not sound like a long-term solution, especially after they're both gone. I'm guessing your sister does not have long-term-care insurance, and from what you say, your parents don't have a lot of spare cash.

Your parents may have already decided to split their estate by share. They could each decide to split their halves among their own children, which would mean that you end up with one-third of the family home, which would be twice as much as your half-siblings. That could be enough for you to have a down payment on a house for your girlfriend and yourself.

They should exercise transparency, and their children - ideally - should meet any estate planning they have made with acceptance. "In a blended family, inheritance can create conflict and inequitable distributions and may lead to lengthy and costly legal battles," according to Ted Alatsas from Alatsas Law Firm, based in Brooklyn, N.Y.

'Testamentary capacity' required for a will

Now for the elephant in the room: If your parents have not already made a will, it may be too late for your father, given his dementia diagnosis. Dementia or any form of mental illness does not automatically mean someone cannot sign a will, but your father must have "testamentary capacity," meaning he must understand the implications of what he is doing.

If he has not made a will, your mother will likely inherit the house, and it will be up to her to decide whether she leaves her home to you, splits it among her own children or decides to split it among all five children in your blended family - perhaps splitting the property either five ways or six ways (with you getting one share from each of your parents).

In most states, intestate succession does not include stepchildren.

And what if your father and mother both die without a will? That could be a lot messier. You would inherit, along with the children of the surviving parent. In most U.S. states, intestate succession does not include stepchildren. As the only child of both parents, from an inheritance standpoint it would not matter to you which of your parents died first. You would share any inheritance equally with that parent's surviving children.

Another outstanding issue involves any separate property held by your mother and father. That includes inheritances one of them may have received during their marriage, as well as any property they brought into the marriage that was not commingled with marital property. It may also include beneficiary designations on life-insurance policies and other accounts. They ultimately get to decide.

The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:

I earn $120,000 a year and have $165,000 in savings. How do I invest in this high-interest-rate environment?

My elderly parents are hoarders. I see them once a year. They say cleaning up their 'junk' will be my problem after they die. What can I do?

'I have been propping her up for 15 years': My niece, 35, is horrible with money. How can I help her become financially responsible?

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-Quentin Fottrell

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