'This was a money grab': My uncle took over the family business when my grandfather died - and left my father out in the cold. What now?

By Quentin Fottrell

'When my grandfather passed away, my uncle continued running the business and, at that point, he decided that my father would not receive any financial inheritance'

Dear Quentin,

I have followed your column for years and have drafted this letter multiple times, each time ultimately scrapping it. I consider myself levelheaded and objective when it comes to problem-solving, but after all these years, I am still left wondering whether my opinion on my family affairs is justified or if I have been unfair in my judgment.

My father is the eldest of his siblings. He left his Middle Eastern country during his college years to pursue his dream of working in the United States, following in his father's footsteps and eventually owning the same type of business. He succeeded and settled in the U.S.

In his absence, the second-eldest son helped their father run the family business, drawing a salary from it for his contribution. When my grandfather passed away, my uncle continued running the business and, at that point, he decided that my father would not receive any financial inheritance. I am unsure if a will existed (there are rumors my uncle manipulated documents), but in Middle Eastern culture, I'm not even sure if it is necessary since the eldest son is traditionally the heir.

'My cousins justify their opinion on the matter given that their father saved the business from going under - there's no proof of this, of course.'

My cousins justify their opinion on the matter given that their father saved the business from going under - there's no proof of this, of course. To me, it feels like a justification to keep my father out of his rightful inheritance.

When my uncle passed away in the early 90s, the business was handed down to his children (who were in their early 20s), all of whom live in the U.S. Never mind that my father was a successful leader in his industry and better suited to run the business. This obviously was a perfect example of "possession is 90% of the law." From my perspective, this was a money grab.

I want to put this to rest in my mind, especially because had the tables been turned, my father, without a doubt, would have been in support of fairly distributing the inheritance among all the children. But more importantly, in my father's final years, the inheritance that I'm certain my grandfather would have wanted for my dad could have positively impacted the quality of life he has left. I feel saddened and, honestly, resentful of their selfishness.

Unfairly Judgmental or Justified?

Related: 'He forced me to take Social Security at 62': My husband inherited millions, but never gave me a penny. If I divorce him, would I get any of it?

Dear Unfairly,

The fact that you believe your dad was given the short end of the stick shows that the apple did not fall far from the tree. Your father clearly instilled values in you that are worth 100 such businesses: love, compassion, commitment and a sense of justice. (Sorry if I sound like the Wizard of Oz handing out diplomas at the end of the movie.)

People make decisions about their estates and businesses for all sorts of reasons: Your grandfather may have had a good working relationship with your uncle, and he may have not given the unequal distribution a second thought. Or he might have felt only one son would inherit the kingdom. These chess games are played out among families all over the world.

You are doing two things. You are rightfully and judiciously standing up for your father and lamenting the inheritance that could have improved his quality of life. And you are doing something that rarely leads to good places, emotionally or financially: You are counting other people's money - in this case, your grandfather's estate and your uncle's inheritance.

The best investment we can make in life is other people.

How that came about is a question that you may never resolve. If your uncle was listed as a co-owner of the business, he would have inherited it legally, depending on how your grandfather structured his estate. It also may have been left to your uncle in your grandfather's will. The third option - nefarious means - is also a possibility.

"There is a wide mismatch between desire and reality in the context of family-business successions, and a family business's transgenerational continuation should not be taken for granted," according to this analysis published in the June 2024 edition of the Journal of Business Venturing Insights. "It requires not only strong intentions and careful planning."

It may be that your uncle was simply in the right place at the right time. It's entirely possible that the suspected shenanigans came about by chance; your uncle stuck around and made sure he was No. 1 to inherit the business. "Family-business successions are commonly considered as one of the most critical events of any family business," the researchers wrote.

You will, in all likelihood, never know what happened.

Oftentimes, the family business folds with the founder. "A considerable proportion of business owners abandon their initial succession plans, do not realize the succession in the intended timeframe, or close their business ultimately," the researchers added. "There is also a remarkable number of unintended business transfers which have received little attention in research to date."

You will, in all likelihood, never know what happened with your grandfather's family business. You have expressed feelings on paper and acknowledged that you are both sad and resentful about how your father was iced out of his father's business. But if your father had to choose between the family business and his son who valiantly fights his corner, he'd choose you.

And I know you would do the same. The best investment we can make in life is other people. Nothing else - stocks, bonds, cryptocurrency, real estate or family empires - comes close. The people we are either fortunate enough to have in our life or choose to have in our life are the things that make us rich beyond our wildest dreams. Your father was a wealthy man.

The Moneyist regrets he cannot respond to letters individually.

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

I give my mother's ailing next-door neighbor $500 a month. She agreed to sell me her house, although she'll continue to live there. Is this a good plan?

'We're happily married, mediocre gay men': We're 58, earn $160,000 and saved $2.2 million. We grew up poor. Our families treat us like ATMs. Are we OK?

'I'm sick of dating losers': Are single Americans looking for love online - or money? It's hard to tell the difference.

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-Quentin Fottrell

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10-07-24 0517ET

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