'I'm horrified and heartbroken': I gave my family cash gifts for summer. One person bought AR-15 rifles and handguns. What should I do?

By Quentin Fottrell

'I always give money to close family members with kids to help pay for summer activities'

Dear Quentin,

Every summer, I give money to my closest family members who have kids to help pay for their summer activities. My annual gift-giving has traditionally worked well by meeting with members of my family every year about how to spend the money.

Unfortunately, this year, one person went out and bought AR-15 rifles and handguns for his kids. Needless to say, I'm horrified and heartbroken. Any suggestions on how to deal with this family? I don't think I can ever trust them again with gifts.

Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,

Cash is not king.

When you want to give gifts, the best option is to do so directly. The immediate lesson: Buy your nieces or nephews or grandchildren two weeks at a summer camp where they can make new friends and learn to be part of a team. Or you could pay for summer tennis camp or football training sessions.

There's another advantage to avoiding cash: Giving a gift, especially if it's an experience, makes the gesture more meaningful, and it also reduces the chances that people will use your money for things that you find egregious and harmful. You will also be more invested in your young relatives' summer activities.

Without wading into the quagmire of the debate over guns, you are entitled to your opinion about your relatives using your money to buy firearms. Even if they were unaware of your opinion on the subject, they would have been better advised to ask you about it. Semiautomatic do not immediately come to mind when figuring out your summer budget.

It would be folly to ignore the fact that not all guns are used responsibly. Some 48,830 people died from gun-related injuries in 2021, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. That includes murders and suicides, as well as accidental deaths. AR-15-style firearms have also been used in mass shootings, as outlined in this congressional memo.

Federal and state laws

There are differing opinions within the hunting community regarding these types of firearms. Handguns are not ideal for hunting, mostly because they are hard to use for long-range shots. Some say AR-15-style semiautomatic rifles and similar weapons are useful for hunting smaller game like hogs, coyotes and deer, but not for larger game.

In some states it's illegal to buy a firearm for anyone under 18, or to give a firearm to anyone under 18. In other states, the cutoff age is 21. In Alabama, Georgia, Indiana and some other states, it's legal for anyone 18 or older to buy a handgun, but in states including California, Illinois and Maryland, an individual must be 21 or older.

Tell your family the truth about how this affected you. It's the only way forward if you wish to maintain a healthy relationship. Try not to judge them for their actions, but instead tell them how you felt after they spent your gift on guns: "I was hurt. I wish you had told me ahead of time." Their response may surprise you. It could even make your relationship stronger.

Although they are close relatives, they may not be aware of your feelings on the subject of guns. However, common sense suggests that they should have been respectful enough to have told you that they intended to use the money you gave them firearms. Let's hope they want to enter into a dialogue with you and come to a place of understanding.

Next year, based on how that conversation goes, you can skip the gift entirely or simply offer to pay for summer camp.

The Moneyist regrets he cannot respond to letters individually.

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

'At times, the pain is unbearable': My daughter cut me out of her life. I'm conflicted - do I exclude her from my will?

I'm 54 and have terminal cancer. I have a wife, 47, and 8-year-old child. How do I split my $1.2 million retirement and life insurance between them?

'I'm trapped between warring siblings': My late father left a ledger with $80,000 in unpaid loans to my brothers. Can the executor force them to pay?

Check out The Moneyist's private Facebook group, where members help answer life's thorniest money issues. Post your questions, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.

By emailing your questions to The Moneyist or posting your dilemmas on The Moneyist Facebook group, you agree to have them published anonymously on MarketWatch.

By submitting your story to Dow Jones & Co., the publisher of MarketWatch, you understand and agree that we may use your story, or versions of it, in all media and platforms, including via third parties.

-Quentin Fottrell

This content was created by MarketWatch, which is operated by Dow Jones & Co. MarketWatch is published independently from Dow Jones Newswires and The Wall Street Journal.

(END) Dow Jones Newswires

09-28-24 1724ET

Copyright (c) 2024 Dow Jones & Company, Inc.