'This flies in the face of my morals and ethics': My father cut my sisters out of his six-figure estate. Should I push back?

By Quentin Fottrell

'Although there is time for him to change his mind, my dad is a stubborn man'

Dear Quentin,

My father dropped a bomb on me: He informed me that he had named me as his executrix and that I would inherit everything once he passed. (I hope this is at least another 30 years from now as he's in his mid-50s.) I was shocked, to be honest. I have two younger sisters, but due to a history of hostility and animosity between them, they have been estranged for close to a decade. In addition, my sisters decided to change their last name from his to our mother's maiden name shortly after our parents divorced after 25 years of marriage.

Even considering all this, I had assumed that my father would have divided his estate equally between the three of us. This puts me in the uncomfortable position of knowing his plans for his estate and disagreeing with them. I have not told my sisters of our conversation. Although there is time for him to change his mind, my dad is a stubborn man. Short of a complete reconciliation between him and my sisters, his mind will not change. How do I divide his estate equally between us once he passes?

My father has a couple pensions, a 401(k), some savings, stocks and bonds, in addition to a small piece of property, so I'm going to conservatively ballpark it around $150,000. He's the kind of man who has a little something stashed away, well, everywhere. I have not expressed my opinion to my father - this is his money to do as he sees fit - but this flies in the face of my morals and ethics. How do I carry out his wishes and make sure my sisters receive their fair share of his estate?

Wanting to do the Right Thing

Related: 'I was heartbroken': My friend set up a $5,000 GoFundMe for veterinary bills after her cat died. I want to donate $200. Is it better to do so anonymously?

Dear Wanting,

Ultimately, this is your father's money to do with as he sees fit.

However, if you believe that your siblings each deserve a one-third share, follow your instinct. If your father refuses to budge, you have several options. Heirs typically have nine months to "disclaim" inheritance or part of their inheritance in writing, which can help you avoid gift tax (if you were to give your siblings money), but it's fraught with difficulty. You would need to check that your sisters are not explicitly excluded in your father's will. It's also unlikely to work if you have children, as they would likely be next in line to receive your father's inheritance.

Based upon the relatively modest $150,000 in assets and federal gift tax laws, you could give your sisters their share of the inheritance without a gift or estate tax, unless your own assets plus any taxable gifts you make during your lifetime are over the current estate and gift tax exclusion amount of $5,450,000, adjusted for inflation. There is also the annual gift tax exclusion amount of $18,000 per sister (or $36,000 if you are married and do so with the agreement of your husband).

If you believe that your siblings each deserve a one-third share, follow your instinct.

You could ask your sisters to sue you for their share of your father's money. Downside: This could be costly so you would need to find a lawyer who could do this cheaply, perhaps a friend. It must also be a legitimate lawsuit. The most common reason for such a suit is undue influence on the parent by the child. (Side note: You also need to ensure that you are the beneficiary on your father's life insurance, 401(k)s, IRAs as they are regarded as non-probate, meaning it's not part of a person's estate.)

Finally, if your sisters were mentioned in the will and left some kind of token gift, an avenue may open for you. There is a "private agreement among successors" option where those named in the will to receive property of a decedent can agree among themselves to alter the amounts. However, your sisters changed their names 25 years ago, making a symbolic break with your father. By taking their mother's maiden name and breaking off contact with your father they have effectively already disinherited themselves.

You could also decide to take your sisters and their children, if they have any, on a trip of a lifetime, or help pay for their children's education.

There is a lot you can do to spread the wealth.

The Moneyist regrets he cannot respond to letters individually.

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

'He always managed to play golf': My husband of 14 years never worked and now we're divorcing. He wants half of my $1 million home. What can I do?

'I'm appalled': My grandfather co-signed my cousin's student loan. After my grandfather died, my cousin skipped town. Will the estate have to pay the debt?

'In a worst-case scenario, we fear a stock-market bust': We are 'healthy boomers' in our 60s with a net worth of $4.2 million. Is it time to diversify?

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-Quentin Fottrell

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09-17-24 0547ET

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