'My brother and sister are villains': My siblings took control of my late mother's estate and won't reveal the contents of her trust. What should I do?

By Quentin Fottrell

'They were always thick as thieves, and we were never what you would call close, but I never would have suspected them of this'

Dear Quentin,

To cut a very long story short: My mother died last year after a short battle with an illness. My brother was appointed executor of her estate, and he and one of my sisters took control of my mother's assets, a substantial portion of which are held in a trust. She had real estate and other valuable personal belongings.

Despite our repeated requests, these siblings have flat-out declined to put together an inventory of our mother's assets for me and my other sister, particularly jewelry and other items that are mostly of sentimental value (an engagement ring and pearl necklace and also costume jewelry of great sentimental value).

I would never have believed that a family could behave this way. What do you do when a family member betrays you? My brother and sister are villains, plain and simple - at least that is what they have now become. They were thick as thieves as kids, and we were never what you would call close, but I never would have suspected them of this.

How can we hold these siblings accountable?

Looking for Justice in New Jersey

Related: 'I received accolades': I reported a toxic coworker who threatened me - and I was terminated after 7 years of stellar employment. What can I do?

Dear Looking,

Money and the promise of an inheritance can do to siblings who feel powerless and disgruntled what steroids do to a body builder.

The death of a parent can turn any deep-rooted frictions or long-held resentments into epic family drama. After all, there is no family leader around to keep the peace, and every dollar or cent, gem or tchotchke is up for grabs - each one containing their own form of payback. What starts with a sense of entitlement, greed and skulduggery - "I would like to pass my mother's engagement ring to my daughter, so I'll just take it now" - can end up being dragged through the courts.

Your brother has perilously overstepped and mishandled his role as executor of your mother's estate, and he seems to view it as a free license to do as he pleases, take what he wants and conspire with your sister to treat your mother's estate as if she had left it all to them. They are both playing with fire. As executor, he is beholden to the laws of the state where your mother died, and he must act accordingly or face the consequences.

An executor must fulfill their fiduciary duty, which essentially puts the onus on that person to place the interests of other interested parties ahead of their own. An executor may not, for example, misappropriate or mishandle the estate's assets, favor one beneficiary over another, pay themselves without court approval or delay probate for an unreasonable period of time.

Your brother is responsible for probating your mother's will. He must make an accurate accounting of all assets that go through probate. These exclude life-insurance policies, retirement accounts or 401(k)s that may have separate beneficiaries listed, as well as property held jointly with a spouse. He must also pay any debts, taxes and administration expenses for the estate.

Laws vary by state, but the rules governing the conduct of an executor are pretty consistent across the country. No bad actors are allowed. In New Jersey, for instance, an executor can be removed from their duties if they do not file an inventory of the decedent's assets, manage their accounts and refuse to distribute assets, including personal belongings like jewelry and furniture.

Removing an executor

In New Jersey, an executor can be removed from their duties if they "neglect a court order or forget to handle a judgment within a specific time frame, embezzle or illegally misappropriate estate funds [or] refuse to cooperate with a legal entity appointed to resolve estate matters, or permanently leave the state of New Jersey and neglect their duties," according to Rosenblum Law in Clifton, N.J.

Not every single family member must feel wronged for a case to be filed. "A person who wishes to remove an executor must file a request with the court," the law firm says. "The person will also have to have evidence of wrongdoing against the executor. When a loved one has named multiple beneficiaries, it's important to note that each beneficiary still has their own individual rights."

You could sue your brother. "In New Jersey, there is no statute of limitations for suing your executor for wrongdoing," Rosenblum Law adds. "However, the longer you wait, the harder it may be to prove your case. If the court agrees to remove the current executor, they will replace them with someone else. The person would have to turn over all of the deceased person's assets within 60 days."

Generally speaking, trustees tend to have more power than executors. In some cases, depending on the terms of the trust, they even may be legally allowed to sell assets held in the trust, but that does not mean they can self-deal. Like an executor, a trustee is also a fiduciary, meaning they have duties of care, obedience, confidentiality, proper accounting, loyalty and good faith to the beneficiaries.

Your brother and sister may be villains, at least in relation to their handling of your mother's estate, but don't fall into the trap of getting caught up in the family drama and distracted by shiny objects - "whatever happened to our mother's favorite pearl necklace?" - at the expense of taking timely and sober legal action before more damage is done. Contact a trusts and estates attorney with your concerns.

This is not merely a family squabble. It is a breach of fiduciary duty that could have serious legal ramifications.

The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:

'I wonder if he's on commission': A psychiatrist online prescribed me Prozac, punched the air in celebration - and suggested I have a beer. Is this normal?

'He's afraid to upset her': My friend, 78, has $500K saved and owns a home with his girlfriend of 20 years. Should he split his estate with his daughter?

'I got seriously burned': My financial adviser took me for lunch, bought my kids gifts - and had me invest $500,000 in annuities. What should I do?

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-Quentin Fottrell

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06-02-24 0812ET

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