'I don't want to spend my remaining days living hand to mouth': I divorced my husband and remarried. Can I claim his Social Security?

By Quentin Fottrell

'I hope that it doesn't trigger my ex-husband. He has a short fuse'

Dear Moneyist,

I divorced a man who has been very successful, making a six-figure salary. I did everything you would expect during a three-decade marriage. I raised our children, helped my husband get to where he is today in his career, and I eventually returned to the workplace after a multidecade absence. My health meant that I did not last as long as I would have liked.

I worked for a dozen years and my Social Security benefits are not exactly generous. I remarried a couple of years ago; my husband works part time and earns a double-digit salary. My friend told me that I am entitled to my ex-husband's Social Security benefits. I'm a fool for not doing so before now. I don't want to spend my remaining days living hand to mouth.

I hope that it doesn't trigger my ex-husband. He has a short fuse.

Does he need to know?

Once Divorced, Twice Married

Related: 'My husband blew a gasket': I bought a $20,000 Toyota SUV using financing. My spouse said, 'Pay it off immediately.' Did I get a bad deal?

Dear Twice Married,

He needs to know nothing, zilch, nada, zero.

Most people lose half of their net worth when they divorce. It can be emotionally and financially devastating. I'm happy that you found love again, even if your circumstances are more modest than your previous relationship. Divorce is one of the most traumatizing personal events in a person's life, and that's not an ideal time to make sound financial decisions.

Typically, you forfeit spousal benefits on an ex's record if you remarry. There are some instances when that may change, like in the event your next marriage ends in an annulment, divorce or death.

According to the IRS: "Generally, if you remarry, benefits paid to you on your former spouse's record stop. You should report your new marriage to us to avoid being overpaid." The agency adds: "Your SSI eligibility and payment amount may change (or stop) due to your new spouse's income and resources." (Call the IRS at 1-800-772-1213 to report your marriage to avoid being overpaid.)

Typically, you forfeit spousal benefits on an ex's record if you remarry. There are some instances when that may change, like in the event your following next ends in an annulment, divorce or death.

The rules are different for survivor benefits, which you get after the person whose record is being used dies. In this case, if you remarried after age 60 - or after the age 50 if you are disabled - and, as long as you were married for 10 years, you could claim survivor benefits.

"Surviving spouse, at full retirement age or older, generally gets 100% of the worker's basic benefit amount," the IRS says. "Surviving spouse, age 60 or older, but under full retirement age, gets between 71% and 99% of the worker's basic benefit amount."

Another wrinkle: The answer to your question depends on whether you remarried before or after the age of 50 . If you remarried before your 50th birthday, you will not be eligible for survivors' or disability benefits unless your current marriage ends in annulment or divorce, according to the rules laid out by the Internal Revenue Service.

If you remarried after age 60 - or after the age 50 if you are disabled -you would forfeit the spousal benefit from your first husband, as long as you were married for 10 years, but you can retain the survivor's benefit if they have passed away.

If you remarried between the ages of 50 and 59 , you still may be able to get benefits as a disabled surviving spouse (or disabled surviving divorced spouse) "if you were disabled and unable to work when you remarried and your remarriage occurred after age 50," the Social Security Administration says.

"If you remarry before you reach age 60 and that marriage ends, you may be able to get benefits on your previous deceased spouse's record," the SSA adds. "Your benefits may begin the first month in which the later marriage ended if all entitlement requirements are met." You can read more here.

Benefits of being a married retiree

You will need your birth certificate, marriage license, divorce decree and W2. The best part of the process: it's confidential. This does not impact your ex's Social Security and, as such, he will be none the wiser. Please don't hesitate any longer. We should never make fear-based decisions.

You have your second marriage on your side. Not only do you have the emotional support that comes with that, but you share your expenses, particularly housing, food and travel costs. Brace yourself: A single retired person spends 70% to 75% what a retired couple spends, according to the American Academy of Actuaries.

While not a family plan, Medicare is also impacted by marriage. "Each spouse pays separate Medicare premiums, and married couples don't get a discount," according to the AARP. "If both spouses are enrolled in Medicare Part B, they each pay $174.70 a month in 2024," while payments are "more for couples with high incomes."

Being married and enrolled in Medicare has benefits and drawbacks, AARP adds. "You can qualify for premium-free Part A based on your spouse's work record. Most people don't pay premiums for Medicare Part A because Medicare taxes were deducted from their paychecks for at least 40 quarters of work, the equivalent of 10 years or more."

And the bad news: "Joint income affects premiums for high earners," AARP says. "People with high incomes pay more for Medicare Part B and Part D prescription-plan premiums, and the high-income surcharge is based on joint income for married couples filing a joint income-tax return." Read more about that here.

If you don't pursue this because you are afraid, then you may as well still be in the marriage feeling unhappy and powerless. This is the time to stand up for yourself and claim what you are entitled to. If the roles were reversed and he was a stay-at-home dad, your ex-husband would be eligible for 50% of the value of your Social Security, too.

Related: 'I'm conflicted': I have two sons - one is a hard worker with kids and the other is a 'carefree' actor. Should I leave the 'family man' more money in my will?

The Moneyist regrets he cannot respond to letters individually.

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

'I never thought they would be in this situation': Our daughter and son-in-law spend money as fast as his parents give it to them. Do we butt in?

'We don't have a joint account': My husband has a tenant from hell. He forces me to pay for all his rental-property expenses. Am I being used?

I give my mother's ailing next-door neighbor $500 a month. She agreed to sell me her house, although she'll continue to live there. Is this wise?

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-Quentin Fottrell

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09-27-24 0425ET

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